Banks Get Hit…By Rug Thief?

A recent report came out that a man has been stealing from numerous banks for a little over 3 months now. The funny thing about this story is the man hasn’t stolen a cent…instead he’s been stealing the rugs  within banks buildings. Still unsure of exactly how many rugs were stolen, it’s estimated that it’s over six times what police had recently recorded. This rug robbing spree is said to have started on March 4th and went on for 11 weeks until a thief by the name of William Footman was finally identified. How fitting of a name if he actually made off on foot with each rug. It has been reported that of the banks Footman stole from, JP Morgan Chase was one of his favorites to hit up. Though there were 37 rug robberies reported, Footman claims that he only stole seven and would perform his robberies at night. He did however admit to selling the rugs for $30 dollars or more stating, “I sell them to bodegas…their floors get wet.” Clearly Ocean’s Eleven has nothing on Mr. William Footman. I guess anything’s fair in Rugs and Bodegas. #ForTheLoveOfRug

Low Jack by. Terrence Baltimore

Robber: “THIS IS A STICK UP!”

[the people of the bank begin to get on the ground before The Robber even requests them to]

Robber: “NO! NO! NO! I WANT EVERYONE STANDING!…

[they all look at The Robber and then each other in a confused manner and then in a very polite voice The Robber continues]

Robber: I’m just going to need any of you who are currently stepping on a rug to kindly step off. If you would do so in an orderly fashion I’d be very much obliged. Please and thank you.”

[The End]

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